The Bittersweet Symphony

In Finland, no one cares that you have blue, red, green or no hair. If you have a tattoo, a lot of them or a sleeve. Also they don't care if you have a piercing or 10, they are just happy the way they are. Aside from the fact Finns are too shy to even comment on them in the streets, they don't really care. For them, it doesn't really matter how you look, as long as you are doing your job right, live a respectful life. No Finns come in all their viarity and no one really cares. Of course there is some bullying here and there, but in compersion to other countries it is not that much.

In the Netherlands we hold the ideal high you can examine a person compleetly by it's lookings. Hair dyed in a non-natrual hair collour? Then you are weird, strange and could best be ignored or called names. Do you want to become a social worker? The fewer piercings and tattoo's, the better you will be in your job. You like rock or metal? Despite that all possible research says you have probably a very high inteligence level, Dutchies think you are too stupid to work and you could better be home and unemployed. We think you are weird and non-standard? You could better be in heavy psychiatric clinics or council sessions.

Luckily, the Netherlands and Finland embrace diffrences in all their weirdnes'. Even though we not always want to admit this, it is some kind of guilty plesure for us. Also I'm happy to know that most countries and people on this world think the same way. There are also people we don't like weird people or their beliefs, ideas or values. That's ok, we can't agree with everything on this world but as long we accept and respect each other we come a long way. But today, we are all once remindend that there are people who mis the abbility to do that. Once again people have to miss, family, loved once and like me friends. This time it is in Brussels, Belgium, but before that it was Ankara, Turkey and Paris, France and too much more before that. And all this 24 year old Dutch weirdo can wonder, is when does this all end and can we be happy once more like we did once before.

The divine order of the chuckoo

I think that at the moment I have nothing to complain, my thesis is going well and also my school work is ahead of schedule in the tasks I do alone. In the groupwork we are on schedule, so no complaining there. Also my social life in the Netherlands is as good as it used to be, although there are still some Finns missing in it. But luckily I know a country full of them, so if my witdrawal disease gets to bad I can go to there.

But in a weird twist of irony my universaty is holding me back at the moment. I notice I'm working quicker then school planned. I already ready with my litratureresearch and Im ready to start with the actual research and warp it all up. But nooooo school doesn't want that. I have to work according to the program and wait and be social towards my fellow students. Well I don't want to be fucking social, that I attend a social education doesn't mean a thing. I just want to be anti-social and selfish. Just because I can. Sometimes being social is really tiredsome you know. And I only want to be tired after sports.

Since I'm back, I noticed how rushed everyone is. But the fun part is that most people don't do a thing. They are being stressed they have to do this and that and have to that in time, but in the end they miss the deadlines. But they still stress away and cry occasionally. Some people are really stressed by the workload and this is overcomming them and I feel sincerlly sorry for them and I wish I could help them. But then I remember I'm a stuborn anti-social weirdo and I don't want to. When Í'm reminding myself of that, I'm already helping the other. I'm just to social for my own good. On the other hand, I help people with no expatation of getting help back. I help people to satisfy my own selfish desire to be known as the silent social kid. That I can make someone happy during this is their win, not mine. Although I also got happy when I see happy people, so that reaction also satisfies my desires. And so in a weird way, we all are selfish and help other satisfy each others desires.

But sometimes, people have to learn it doen't takes always two to tango. Sometimes you can dance on your own. Because you can't always rely on others. I found that one out myself the hard way. But now it is only one thesis and some months away I haven proven I teach others the skills to ask for help and to help themselfs. Because there already too much people in the world who are disappointed in life, let's show them they can appreciate it again. With al it's weird thingies and ways. Because that is how simple life is, the sum of the positive and negative aspacts. And for us social workers and people it is the task that people always have a little bit more positive things then negatives things, without denying a thing.

'Till it happens to you

I've been beaten, harressed, insulted and scared. I lived most of the time in the dark valley of life picking up pieces of shattered glass. While life threathen me hard, I continue to walk futher. Since sitting on the ground doesn't bring you somewhere. But later I discovered that dancing through life is much more fun, so that is what I did. I met some awesome friends, who later exited my life again. Some of them even exited life itself. But since my musiclists Always has a new song to play, I continued. Even when I heard a song again or the song was really sad. Because there is always a happy song comming along soon enough. And there I walk through life with in-ears in and dancing through life.

Unfortuneally, I can't hide every scar which is on my soul. For some I wish I could, for some I wish I don't have to. I live in a society where complaining about your past is regarding weird, people don't want to hear your though stories. I think it reminds them too much about the darks side of life. But without the darkness, you don't see the light. Also my education doesn't help either. As social councilings worker you see people at their worst. Which I don't care, I had my worse episodes too. But teachers and clasmates have weird paradoxal standard on that one. If you don't want to talk about your past, you are in denial of your problems. If you talk about your problems, you have one.  In either way, you are not suitible for the job. You even get a grade how good you can deal with your emotions and your past. This is what society has become: we f*cking grade everyting. Like I choose the get a scar or two in life.

I choose to make the scars on my soul a little more revealing for others. I let others punch wholes through my skin and put a jewel in. Because a scare is a nasty thing, but it is how you threaten it how it stands in life. I choose to make every scare a little powerplant which helps me through life. But how many I have of them is not for everyone to know, because I need to be a little mysterious every now and then. Sometimes I make a new one, so the others have to work less hard. But also every hard moment needs his own little memorial. But don't worry after this all depressive whining, I have a lot of happy moments to. Without them I never came this far. But when I like to spread the happines across the world, but I have a tendancy to keep the less happy things for myself.

When the struggle is real

My life is slowly getting into the normal working rythem it supossed to be in. But I also noticed again that the Dutch education system and me are not compatible. I have sometimes a to strong opinion, so  may end up in discussion. Which I sometimes really enjoy and sometimes hate because the discussion is for the sole purpose of the discussion, which is really annoying. Because some how Dutch folks need discussion, otherwise they die. Dutch. Always have to voice their opinions, even if you don't want to hear it. I admit right away I have a strong opinion about things as well, but I don't push right in to someone's throaght. I enjoy hearing someone's opinion, because it gives me new views and insides on to my own. Also a valued lesson I learned in Finland is that you also can ignore someone to dead, instead of killing him/her with your arguements.

I'm also supprised to notice how big thing it is become that LGBT refugees are harrest and bullied in asylum centers and no one seems to really know what to do. I think it is a shame (and a big one too!) that we let this to go so out of controle. What did the goverment excpect? Oh they hate gays in Syria but now they are here they start hugging them? It's not our water what makes people tolerant to LGBT's you know... We should start educate people right away when they come here about our libral standings. Refugees really don't Always realise we are even more liberal than people say we are, also not everyone knows that the Netherlands excist, just look at some Americans who think the Netherlands is part of Germany... For a country who says that it is a shining pink beacon for LGBT rights we have a exaple to made. We are tolerant to all kind of people, let's give this message to them. After the war they have a country to rebuild, how awesome would it be that they can do it al togheter, because they learned to do so in our refugeecenters. Building together instead of fighting eachother, what a wonderfull thought. And then we can think: "if they can do it in Syria and Iraq, why can't we do it in Europe (and in the Netherlands)". Not looking at the differences, but what united us and makes us better then when we are alone...

I dreamed of Finland last night

I had a dream... of a place full of magic and wonders. Where the people talk a mysterious language. And are so faithfull they don't even thing of breaking the law and walk through the red traffic light. The land of moomins and angry birds. A new adventure awaits behind every tree in every forest. Every winter the place becomes a winter wonderland and every summer you find there the ultimate summer feeling. People overthere have blue, green, red, white, black, brown, blond or no hair. The best thing is that this place excist and it is called Finland.

I went to school this week, but it was not the same. They all spoke Dutch and it was in Zwolle, not in Turku or Helsinki.
I had to work this week, but it was not the same. It was harsher, more direct an not in Turku or Kokkola.
Even the radio wasn't the same, they were whining about sex, drugs and weird stuff and it was full of Dutch dj's, commercials and English music. But no Finnish at all, not even a word.
Even the sauna I have to miss, it is way to expensive and I can't go whenever I want.

I guess it is true what they say. Finland is where dreams come true. You can get someone out of Finland, but you never ever can get Finland out of a person.

And now al together:

Oi maamme, Suomi, synnyinmaa!
Soi sana kultainen!
Ei laaksoa, ei kukkulaa,
ei vettä rantaa rakkaampaa
kuin kotimaa tää pohjoinen,
maa kallis isien.
Ei laaksoa, ei kukkulaa,
ei vettä rantaa rakkaampaa
kuin kotimaa tää pohjoinen,
maa kallis isien.

Sun kukoistukses kuorestaan
kerrankin puhkeaa;
viel' lempemme saa nousemaan
sun toivos, riemus loistossaan,
ja kerran laulus, synnyinmaa
korkeemman kaiun saa.
viel' lempemme saa nousemaan
sun toivos, riemus loistossaan,
ja kerran laulus, synnyinmaa
korkeemman kaiun saa.

Post Finland depression

Yesterday my Finland adventure came to an end, for now. Since I returned home to the Netherlands after 5 months of Finland. Now I have to get used to the Netherlands and it's weird costums. To top it all, my school here starts tomorrow!

Still it felt a little weird to be here again. I was totaly home in Finland and even cycling through the snow in -30°c was not that bad as it sounds, it was even fun. Because I always knew a nice and warm sauna was waiting for me. But now, no sauna, no snow and no Finns, just plain and simple the Netherlands. With all it's weird habits and traits. But well, they say it is home.

It is weird to talk Dutch all the time, since I am not used to use it all the time anymore. Especiallly in the last month in Kokkola I never spoke Dutch. It was mostly English and every now and then I even spoke Finnish. Since Kokkola has a lot of Swedish speaking people near, I even learned some Swedish. But my Finnish is still way better then my Swedish, although I'm still to shy to use it frequently. For now, it the Dutch life again. With cheap Ikea breakfast, hysterical conversations about all the things I did in Turku and Kokkola and everyone wants to see my new piercing. Also everyone wanted to know if I didn't find it cold here in the Netherlands. Ofcourse Finland is subtropical with -30°c and 25cm snow, but I think I can survive the Dutch weather, at least I hope. Otherwise we will notice it soon enough. My Finnishnis continues in weird ways, I don't wear shoes in the house, I tried to load my public transport allowance on my föli card, almost asked if Ikea had studend discount, my  mom had to remind me I had to prepare my own lunch for school since it is to expencive to buy it there. I also it feels weird I can't go to sauna for free. It feels also quite weird not to hear and see Finnish all the time. But I hope I get used to it soon. Luckily my family and friends help me to get used to the Netherlands again. For now it still feels I mis that little moomin valley up north.

You can get someone out of Finland, but you never get Finland out of someone!

Woohoo Flu-u-u-uuu

My last week here in Kokkola and in Finland is surely not going unnoticed because I'm coughing all day and night. I have a mild flu. Although it is going better by the day, the coughing is just annoying as hell because. Like the wise Finns say: if sauna and alcohol doesn't help, you gonna die. So I go to sauna a lot lately and it helped me greatly. I'm gonna miss those wise Finns greatly, like the rest of Finland. But between my practical and being sick I have some time to mentally prepare myself again for life in the Netherlands in 3 days and the things I have to take in consideration:

• Stores are clossed at sunday
• I can't go to sauna every week anymore for free
• I have to speak Dutch all the time again
• If I say 'kiitos' no one understands what I mean so try to avoid that
• Saying "mita kuuluu?" to a non-Finn doesn't work anymore.
• Ei becomes egg again instand of no
• If I want to say "yes", I have to say "and". (ja)
• I can talk about sex out in the open and no one is ashamed
• Every type of weather is bad, there is no nice or pleasent weater in the Netherlands
• I have to face the wind again everytime I go outside
• Opinions are everywhere, even if you don't want to know
• Costumer services is unheard of
• Cars won't stop for you if you want to cross the street with a bike or walking on a roadcrossing
• All trafficlights have buttons which you have to push, but you don't wait for the green light.
• No more cheap good and healthy student priced lunches for €1,28 at the school caffetaria
• No studentdiscount anymore
• I have to learn again to learn alcohol to be social, not to get completely wasted.
• My personal space is gone, the Netherlands is to crowded to have descent Finnish one.
• No more hearing of cute Finnish language where ever I go.
• All adds on internet are in Dutch again instead of Finnish.
• I don't have to explain anymore how Dutch social work education is divided into 3 parts.
• Dutch school system makes sence once again.
• If people ask how I'm doing they don't expect that I give a short summary anymore.
• The moose magic is gone, the Netherland don't has mooses.
• People don't understand the power of the mooses and how special it is to see them in the wild.
• If there is a bright night, I no longer have to stare excited to the sky, because no nordic lights.
• The Dutch are not Finns.
• Perkele vittu saatana becomes godverdomme, kut or klote (not propper translations in all cases)