'Till it happens to you

I've been beaten, harressed, insulted and scared. I lived most of the time in the dark valley of life picking up pieces of shattered glass. While life threathen me hard, I continue to walk futher. Since sitting on the ground doesn't bring you somewhere. But later I discovered that dancing through life is much more fun, so that is what I did. I met some awesome friends, who later exited my life again. Some of them even exited life itself. But since my musiclists Always has a new song to play, I continued. Even when I heard a song again or the song was really sad. Because there is always a happy song comming along soon enough. And there I walk through life with in-ears in and dancing through life.

Unfortuneally, I can't hide every scar which is on my soul. For some I wish I could, for some I wish I don't have to. I live in a society where complaining about your past is regarding weird, people don't want to hear your though stories. I think it reminds them too much about the darks side of life. But without the darkness, you don't see the light. Also my education doesn't help either. As social councilings worker you see people at their worst. Which I don't care, I had my worse episodes too. But teachers and clasmates have weird paradoxal standard on that one. If you don't want to talk about your past, you are in denial of your problems. If you talk about your problems, you have one.  In either way, you are not suitible for the job. You even get a grade how good you can deal with your emotions and your past. This is what society has become: we f*cking grade everyting. Like I choose the get a scar or two in life.

I choose to make the scars on my soul a little more revealing for others. I let others punch wholes through my skin and put a jewel in. Because a scare is a nasty thing, but it is how you threaten it how it stands in life. I choose to make every scare a little powerplant which helps me through life. But how many I have of them is not for everyone to know, because I need to be a little mysterious every now and then. Sometimes I make a new one, so the others have to work less hard. But also every hard moment needs his own little memorial. But don't worry after this all depressive whining, I have a lot of happy moments to. Without them I never came this far. But when I like to spread the happines across the world, but I have a tendancy to keep the less happy things for myself.

When the struggle is real

My life is slowly getting into the normal working rythem it supossed to be in. But I also noticed again that the Dutch education system and me are not compatible. I have sometimes a to strong opinion, so  may end up in discussion. Which I sometimes really enjoy and sometimes hate because the discussion is for the sole purpose of the discussion, which is really annoying. Because some how Dutch folks need discussion, otherwise they die. Dutch. Always have to voice their opinions, even if you don't want to hear it. I admit right away I have a strong opinion about things as well, but I don't push right in to someone's throaght. I enjoy hearing someone's opinion, because it gives me new views and insides on to my own. Also a valued lesson I learned in Finland is that you also can ignore someone to dead, instead of killing him/her with your arguements.

I'm also supprised to notice how big thing it is become that LGBT refugees are harrest and bullied in asylum centers and no one seems to really know what to do. I think it is a shame (and a big one too!) that we let this to go so out of controle. What did the goverment excpect? Oh they hate gays in Syria but now they are here they start hugging them? It's not our water what makes people tolerant to LGBT's you know... We should start educate people right away when they come here about our libral standings. Refugees really don't Always realise we are even more liberal than people say we are, also not everyone knows that the Netherlands excist, just look at some Americans who think the Netherlands is part of Germany... For a country who says that it is a shining pink beacon for LGBT rights we have a exaple to made. We are tolerant to all kind of people, let's give this message to them. After the war they have a country to rebuild, how awesome would it be that they can do it al togheter, because they learned to do so in our refugeecenters. Building together instead of fighting eachother, what a wonderfull thought. And then we can think: "if they can do it in Syria and Iraq, why can't we do it in Europe (and in the Netherlands)". Not looking at the differences, but what united us and makes us better then when we are alone...

I dreamed of Finland last night

I had a dream... of a place full of magic and wonders. Where the people talk a mysterious language. And are so faithfull they don't even thing of breaking the law and walk through the red traffic light. The land of moomins and angry birds. A new adventure awaits behind every tree in every forest. Every winter the place becomes a winter wonderland and every summer you find there the ultimate summer feeling. People overthere have blue, green, red, white, black, brown, blond or no hair. The best thing is that this place excist and it is called Finland.

I went to school this week, but it was not the same. They all spoke Dutch and it was in Zwolle, not in Turku or Helsinki.
I had to work this week, but it was not the same. It was harsher, more direct an not in Turku or Kokkola.
Even the radio wasn't the same, they were whining about sex, drugs and weird stuff and it was full of Dutch dj's, commercials and English music. But no Finnish at all, not even a word.
Even the sauna I have to miss, it is way to expensive and I can't go whenever I want.

I guess it is true what they say. Finland is where dreams come true. You can get someone out of Finland, but you never ever can get Finland out of a person.

And now al together:

Oi maamme, Suomi, synnyinmaa!
Soi sana kultainen!
Ei laaksoa, ei kukkulaa,
ei vettä rantaa rakkaampaa
kuin kotimaa tää pohjoinen,
maa kallis isien.
Ei laaksoa, ei kukkulaa,
ei vettä rantaa rakkaampaa
kuin kotimaa tää pohjoinen,
maa kallis isien.

Sun kukoistukses kuorestaan
kerrankin puhkeaa;
viel' lempemme saa nousemaan
sun toivos, riemus loistossaan,
ja kerran laulus, synnyinmaa
korkeemman kaiun saa.
viel' lempemme saa nousemaan
sun toivos, riemus loistossaan,
ja kerran laulus, synnyinmaa
korkeemman kaiun saa.