Going Dutch

My time here in Turku is amazing and I've met new cultures and and people. Altough I already discribed many times Finnish cutoms and etiquette, it is now time to get a closer look at my own culture and how others may see it. Cause Dutch culture is a hard one to get allong with. We have almost none social rules. These seems easy for most foreigners as a blessing and a welcome thing to escape from their tight social rules, this is noting true. We have a great eye for detail, so our social rules are in the details, unlike most other cultures. Failing to mark an importend detail can enrupt some annoyence in us. But we are a forgiving people, saying that you didn't knew comfort us a lot. Never under estemate the power of sorry in our culture, if we have the feeling you use the word without any meanin we stop liking you and then there is no way back. We Dutch can be quite stuborn, like Finns.

What most foreigners don't like about us, that we like to have eyecontact with someone we are talking with. Loosing eyecontact means in our culture no intrest and no respect. We like to see eachother faces so we can see the facial expression. This makes a concersation much more lively for us, we like the emotion. But don't think you can be an overemotional being in our culture, we dump you. You only show your emotion on a funeral or at your wedding. Otherwise we try to avoid them, we not realy into the emotional stuff. Although we like to have a discussion about it if you like. This discussion can go as deep as you want, but pleas don't cry. We will comfort you, even we feel uncomfortable with it. We also don't hesitate to tell you that you can stop being a emotionalwreck now, because then we realy think you can stop doing it. We think honesty is polite, not being honest is not polite. So you can say what ever you want to us and we don't feel offended. We like  to argue about it, but that is because our culture likes arguements and opinions. So don't feel shocked it you spark a discussion, we like it and love you even more. But you can be as honest with us as you want, but to make it a little bit harder for you we also want you to remember that even Dutch people are human. With their own feelings, which we will never express, and thoughts, which we express a lot, so as long you remember that you can say everything to us.

In Dutch, we can use formal speach or informal speach. We prefere the last but always start with the first. But we are waiting for the moment that the other, usually the older conversation partner says it is ok to use the informal for. We litterly say this so you can make no mistake in this. If you are the oldest, please say after approxymently 15min we can switch to the informal for of speach. Forgetting this and we find you stuppid forever. Once someone says it is ok to use the inforal form of speach, it becomes imidiatly unpolite to use the formal form of speach and we think you are stupid. Because we said it was ok for us to use the informal form, right? Also in conversations, we forget that in English or German the word please exist. We don't use it very often in our language, only when we give something to someone. The way we build up the sentence is polite enough for us, so don't push it. If someone uses please al the time we think he is pleasing us and we start feeling uncomfortable. We thing the word pleas is a superlative and we hate them. We also hate making compliments or getting one. Just say "well done" and we are happy. Also "not bad" will do, because we are not that bad to handle. Also don't touch us in public, dispite popular believe we hate it. Only very good friends and family are aloud to touch us. Doing it in public shames us to dead, if you want to touch us, be sure you have a reason for this and als that we know it as well. Otherwise things can get awkward as we step back or push you back. We like a direct way communication, even in body language which we seldom use. You can kiss us if we are a couple or at our birthday or on new years eve. Otherwise we burn you lips a way with a lighter. We value our personal zone and kissing us is a major breach of this. So don't do it.

Also working with us in intercultural groups can be chalanging, but not impossible. We like to argue or exchange opinions a lot, be silent is regarded as not active and we Dutch don't like inactive persons. We don't mind kick you out of our group after a warning. We always give people a chance to prove themselfs, so take the second chance and make the most of it. It anoys us greatly if you don't have an opinion about something, it doesn't exist in our country so we aren't use to it. Also state problems are solved by the goverment trough discussions, we even a word for this: polderen. Meaning that you discuss and negociate as long as it takes to come with a solution that is feasable for everyone. Knowing this, it comes as no suprise that we don't like hierarchies, we think our boss is just a person who earns more salery then we do and is responsable for all our missary. So don't boss us around or we start to ignore you. Altough we know that there has to be someone to make the tough dissions, we only accept this after a good discussion. We can be very strict in rules and discionmaking, because we base everything on facts. But we think the human compoment is also importent. Mind the choice of words: human compoment. It is very importent for us, but rules and regulations are more importent. Maybe that's why the international criminal court is within our borders, we have a great sence of justice, rules and equility. We also think the truth has to bespoken out, so diplomacy can begin. So everyone knows what they are dealing with, we don't like suprises or hidden agenda's but like to know what we are dealing with.

Getting back to the boss thing, we are not polite against someone in a higher standing or position. they are also humans like we do and they al have to shit every day. So we are not extra polite against police officers, parlement members, docters, judges, etc, then we are to normal people. Unlike our German and Belgian neighbours. We like strict equility and think all persons are the same, no matter what job, gender, etnicity or sexuallity someone has. Dutch man don't find it strange to have a female manager or boss. As long as she has the capicity to do so. We value knoledge and skills more in these maters then someones background and privat life. Our privat life is very strictly seperated from our working life and we dont like that they get mixed, only trouble comes from that. But we like to have a friendly standing among our colleages. Because we think work should be joyfull, not hatefull. We work to live, not live to work. But work is an aspect of life so also importent to feel good there. Because sometimes we can be social, if we want to. Because we have always the all inportant human compoment.